To be normal or to be weird, what is the question?
Or just be yourself!
Had yet another person tell me my posts are weird, which is code for stupid, I guess.
I feel this constant pressure to be something I am not, this constant pressure to be normal, as if they would save others the embarrassment of being around me or associated with me. Another way to be phrase is to say don’t be weird. They would say I am imagining this, fine, you keep saying that to convince yourself.
It helps a lot to have a couple of friends that accept me as I am and allow me to talk about whatever.
This awareness has been a growing sensation which I really became aware of during my preteens.
A paper comes into our school. The photographer points at me to ask if I can be in the picture. No, the teacher, points to another boy, who is the biggest sissy there could be. I remember seeing his picture in the paper. No matter, I am just left thinking, what was that about? Just a minor thing, right? Not the best example, but it is an example.
High school. Grief. I am in college prep courses with the rich kids. I hid the fact that I lived in a trailer park. I never felt accepted, made no friends within the college prep circle. (I did not think about this until much later in life.) I’d get into fights because of where I lived then word would spread and next thing you know, just be normal.
At least college was not so much of an issue. Thankful for that. Maybe I am most comfortable in that setting. That time went by so fast.
Through no true fault of others I do not feel comfortable in church settings. I can tell many stories of how I got there but the bottom line is that this is something I need to deal with. Just be normal!
Then the work environment. I do well despite the issues I have which presumably I have brought on to myself. Just be normal!
This person called a manager listed his pecking order on a board. I was dead last. Tell me you don’t like me without telling me you don’t like me. Just be normal.
I’ve been told I have ADHD, I think I am better than others, I am a jerk, I am a narcissist, I have lied about who I am, rude, on and on. Just be normal.
It goes without saying but still needs to be said. Your identity is not your church, your job, or even your family, or any of the other things going on now. Yes, you do these things as a person to grow and to help others. Develop your identity.
In my case, my identity is as a Christian. I have a long ways to go there.
So, in my very roundabout way I am saying be your true self and let everything filter through that. Not the other way around.
Jesus loves you.
