Respect Lost Doesn’t Mean Being Disrespectful

I am being vague about some things in this story for privacy reasons.

I’ve recently met someone that we have a few things in common, but….

Yes, the but….

I noticed his behavior with others was following a destructive pattern.

He’d do something to someone, they’d say something, and he would deny it.

First time, he did this, he chased the other person (walking) around and kept the argument going! Not a good look.

I talked to him about this. His response? “I was bullied as a child.” I thought to myself, well, who hasn’t?

Then I saw the same pattern with some other people who challenged him on his behavior.

Then, this started happening to me! The first couple of times, I thought, really?

Finally, I said something. Two days later, he starts explaining how he had not done anything. Yikes.

A few days later he starts talking about how I do the same to him. At this point, I said, you know what, you are not admitting the things I and others have confronted you about, so there is no conversation to be had, you are not to talk to me.

I got home and realized, I’d never said that to someone before. I go out of the way not to. I was not even angry with him. What is going on? Then I knew, I was not angry with him, I had lost respect for him. Uh oh, what does that even mean?

And, now, he has escalated his attacks. Nothing physical, just stupid stuff. I have now spoken to others who will also pull him to the side and confront him.

So, I see that this is going to continue.

I am not even angry with him. Do I feel pity for him? A little. Do I think he is being stupid? Most definitely, but I would never say that.

Key point for me here is this: I’ve lost respect for him. That is a dangerous spot for me, at least, it is a new one for me to explore.

I will always be respectful, but it will be a formal kind of respect. Losing respect for someone NEVER means being disrespectful.